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She saves Shirley at the last minute, but I have a feeling they won’t be bothering her much anymore. Better bully-handling tactics are deployed by Zelda, who is the target of some cruel pranks by her slut-shaming colleagues and uses this nifty little earworm trick to just casually get the leader of the pack (whose on-point name is Shirley Jackson) to walk off a balcony to her death. When Sabrina finds out, she, yet again, tries to solve a mortal problem with magic and totally oversteps. The boys of Baxter High leer at Theo in the locker room and then stuff Theo’s locker full of tampons and pads. Theo is trying to live as his true self at school, which is going about as well as you’d expect. Like, he had to teleport her home so Hilda could do it? Negative points.Īs Hilda nurses Sabrina back to health, she encourages Sabrina to spend more time with her “non-Satanic friends,” and Sabrina agrees.Īt Baxter High, Sabrina tells Harvey that she’s in a play at the Academy and he asks her if they’re doing The Crucible, lol.
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Not to lose focus here, but it’s kind of pathetic that Nick does not know how to give the Heimlich. Just when things are getting all cute (“Lust isn’t a sin, Sabrina,” says Prudence, high priestess of witch orgies), Sabrina chokes. Meanwhile, Sabrina and Nick are running lines while she eats some very on-theme apple slices. Sabrina dresses for the occasion in one of my favorite outfits of hers to date: all black, leather jacket, red lips to match the red bag. But they all tell Sabrina to do whatever he tells her to do. (I write in my notes: Isn’t the devil a little busy to be meddling in all this basic mortal stuff? But I guess he has minions to keep that hellfire burning while he’s out running errands.) All the Spellmans are miffed that Satan made a house call Zelda, in particular, is feeling very snubbed. I have to say, the fact that the Dark Lord starts with such a dopey gambit - telling Sabrina to steal a pack of gum - is hilarious to me. If she loses, she’s never allowed to question the Dark Lord’s will again. The stakes: If Wardwell wins, she’s the prophet and queen of hell on Earth.
Pretty sure you’re not supposed to make deals with the devil, but if anyone is up to the challenge, it’s Wardwell, who decides to play tug-of-war over Sabrina’s soul. Really a day of disappointments all around. Satan has a vision: “The gates of hell will be thrown open, and Sabrina will be my prophet on Earth.” Not thrilled about this bit of breaking news is Wardwell/Lilith, whose status is the less-impressive “first among women.” Quite the demotion, no? Wardwell says Sabrina’s “essential nature tends towards the light.” The Dark Lord is … not stoked to hear this. You might expect hell to be something of a scattershot, make-it-up-as-you-go operation - like a never-ending improv show, a personal hell for me and probably for many of you! - but in the world of CAOS, the devil is a planner. In short, we are always ready to help you.
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